Beef – it’s not what’s for dinner anymore

If you’re over 40, you might remember an iconic 30-second commercial produced in 1992 by the Beef Industry Council and Beef Board.

It opened with a burst of fiddles playing an excerpt of Aaron Copland’s “Hoe-down” a rollickin’ chorus of fiddles that recall foot stompin’ and barn-raisin’ and gingham dresses. For me, the song recalls scenes from the musical, “Oklahoma.”

In the commercial, we see a headless cook swirling chunks of beef, along with red, green, and yellow veggies in a bowl and throwing them into a wok like a cowpoke ropin’ a steer. The idea is to show how quickly one can get a beef-based dinner on the table.

Alongside this soaring music, the title card tells us that the dish was a Szechwan Beef Stirfry and it took 30 minutes to make.

Next the camera cuts to skewers of onions and red, green, and yellow bell peppers interspersed with chunks of beef. Title card: Three Pepper Beef Kabobs. 25 minutes.

Then cut to a luscious T-bone steak being turned on the grill. Now, I don’t even like steak, but that shot makes my mouth water, and it only took 25 minutes to grill.

And finally. . .

A female emerges from a kitchen carrying a huge platter of beef and citrus nestled among a bed of iceberg lettuce (24 minutes). Just as the woman sets the salad on the table, Robert Mitchum, a Hollywood actor who played tough-guy roles and exuded animal magnetism, provides the voiceover: “You can have a great beef dinner in no time at all, well, almost no time at all.”

With that, we cut to a human hand stabbing a thin slice of steak and placing it on a hard roll. 10 minutes.

“Beef. It’s What’s for Dinner,” Mitchum states.

Copland’s music finishes on an upnote that makes you want to jump to your feet a-hootin’ and a-hollerin’. Yee-haw! Yay, beef!

Because I lack the musical know-how to describe the ending, The Wind Repertory Project says it’s a “piercing, forceful closing fanfare marked by heavy accents and sharp sforzando (suddenly loud and accented) notes from the brass and percussion.”

It’s all-American, that commercial. We love our beef.

Maybe less so now since even lowly ground beef is close to $6.00 a pound if you buy the highest fat content and over $8.00 (in some places) for the better-quality hamburger. It’s distressing to see these prices.

People can turn to chicken or turkey or fish, of course, and egg prices have come way, way down from two years ago, but a lot of people have beef-eating deep in their bones. As if it’s their American right.

Truth be told, overconsumption of protein can strain the kidneys and heart, and many Americans eat more protein than they need, especially lately, given how food products have protein added to EVERYTHING: Cookies, candies, chips, crackers, coffee, water, milk, and vodka. Vodka?

The proteinization of our food must make HHS Secretary RFK, Jr. very happy since he wants to double the amount of protein in the American diet. In addition, he’d like you to have a side of beef tallow for good measure. Let’s clog those arteries while we’re overloading our hearts and kidneys, shall we?

Fifty years ago, the “More with Less” cookbook, produced by the Mennonite Central Committee and written by Doris Janzen Longacre, became popular among those who questioned farming practices and the use of natural resources.

Longacre collected recipes from the Mennonite community and introduced the idea of meatless meals and protein complementarity to ensure that the same amino acids present in meat were provided in the consumption of legumes and grains. In other words, a meal of rice and beans or a plate of hummus and pita bread provide complete protein.

Considering that much of the world eats some combination of rice and beans or some version of hummus and pita should be a clue that other cultures had this complete-protein-without-meat thing figured out long ago.

But it’s hard to change ingrained habits, especially if it involves beans and grains when you’d rather have a Porterhouse steak.

Sometimes, though, the American mind can be changed. We don’t think it’s our right to smoke in restaurants or on airplanes anymore, do we? Still, switching from beef-based advertising to a legume-centered approach might be harder than changing our actual diets.

“Beans. It’s what’s for dinner” just doesn’t sing, unless you count the after-dinner “music” that beans can make.

Remember the old Wendy’s commercial? The tagline, “Where’s the beans?” would not have made Clara Peller famous, I fear.

And what if we had to change standard expressions, like, “How could I bean up my workout?” or “What’s your bean with him?”

And what about our TV viewing?  What if every cooking competition required that contestants create recipes based on dried legumes. They’d all shut down due to extreme flatulence.

OK, OK. I may not know beans about marketing, but like you, I’m not happy about the price of beef.

As always, thanks for “bean” here. (I’ll stop now.)

Joan Zwagerman isn’t buying much beef or beef tallow, for that matter.